Siblings

Confessions Of A Sibling – I Feel Defeated

I feel defeated

It’s one of those days…a day when I feel like I cannot be bothered anymore. I am tired of my sister not being the adult that her age says she is. I am tired of her not understanding social situations and therefore what’s appropriate behaviour and what’s not appropriate. I am tired that I have to watch over her and worry constantly. I just want her to be an adult…with no disability.

I want her to be able to fend for herself. One day I teach her a life lesson…some social rule about appropriate behaviour. Days to follow, I reinforce this rule…I believe that she has gotten it…it has sunk in. Then couple days later…voila …it’s like she has forgotten all the talks we had, all the illustrations I made, everything. And in these moments, I feel defeated…fed up…I think what’s the point…is there even a point. Am I stupid to think that I can help my sister to get to a point of independence? Am I delusional?

The thought that all my efforts are in vain stresses the hell out of me. If nature takes it course, I will die before her and I can’t have her not being able to survive safely…I just can’t have that. This is when all the negative thoughts come rushing in ranging from what a failure I am to all the horrible things that could potentially happen to my sister because she can’t take care of herself. Days like this…I hate. I feel so defeated.

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14 Comments

  1. Ennymatics says:

    Sometimes, when life hits us on the head with a brick, we should never give up! We never know how close we are to breakthrough by giving up. I believe your sister will pull through and will be able to survive all the rigours of life. Just don’t give up, continue to teach her all she needs and I believe one day all those lessons will become a cinch for her to do.

    1. Alicia says:

      Hi Ennymatics,

      Thank you for your kind words and encouragement. Indeed, we cannot give up in this life. We must keep trying and I will. Thanks again!

      Cheers!

  2. I have always loved your site ever since i read the first article on your blog; I love the little story and i learnt from your analysis. The part i love most is the “sib being “. Thats an eye opener and i will always cherish this post.

    I believe this is what we reffered to as human differences and we can’t but hold on to the fact that we can’t run away from them

    1. Alicia says:

      Hi Ola,

      Wow…your saying that you have always loved my site really got to me…thank you for your extremely kind words. These human differences and feelings and emotions that we go through…indeed we can’t run away from them, but instead we have to face them and work out our differences for the best.

      Stop by HappyDowns anytime and share your thoughts with us.

      Cheers!

  3. abioye olalekan says:

    What an incredible blog post! This is a lovely blog post and i must commend you for putting this lovely post together

    why are you defeated?

    You need not to be defeated at all; I also have a sibling like yours but i am always strong in order not to be defeated.

    I will definitely re-visit your site because I can see you give such great and accurate information.Thanks for your indepth analysis

    1. Alicia says:

      Hello Abioye,

      Thank you for visiting HappyDowns. I felt defeated that day because sometimes events will happen that will make me feel not as strong as I feel on other days. I am happy to hear that you have found a way to stay positive…perhaps you could provide some tips on how I can stay strong through the tough times.

      Thanks again for stopping by and please make sure you visit us again to share your thoughts.

      Cheers!

  4. Michael says:

    Wow! I have read different kinds of blog posts but i can tell you this is so unique and at the same time so touching and emotional. i really feel for the guy because i can understand his plight. Nevertheless, i would want you to know that journey of life isn’t straight as we do think, there are times we will feel down and depressed, and other time you feel elevated and happy. Any situation we found ourselves, we should stay strong and believe the best is still coming. Stay strong! 

    Thanks for this article. 

    1. Alicia says:

      Hi Michael,

      Thank you for the encouraging words. Staying strong is definitely key.

      Cheers!

  5. Olalekan says:

    This story is short and brief but within me I am feeling you must be enduring a lot as regards your sister’s ill behaviour. Please continue to encourage her and as well pray for in the name of the God you believe in. There is a saying that blood is ticker than water. She is your family and soon your patience and teachings will soon pay off. Please don’t give up. 

    1. Alicia says:

      Hello Olalekan,

      Thank you for taking the time to read this post and thank you so much for your encouraging words. I will not give up.

      Take care!

  6. Achievers says:

    I think all she need is your continuous encouragement, pls don’t give up on her. The issue with her maybe psychological or maybe she’s passing through some difficult situations that she hasn’t shared with you. I understand how you feel now but giving up on her is not the solution. Family will always remain family. 

    1. Alicia says:

      Hello Achievers,

      Thank you for your encouraging words. Indeed, family will always remain family. I won’t give up on my sister.

      Cheers!

  7. Jen says:

    Hi Alicia,
    I stumbled across your website and found your confessions of a sibling with DS very honest and refreshing to read. You are not sugarcoating the harsh realities of siblings in your situation. I am sure many siblings with DS feel the way you feel, but do not express it because they do not want to seem vulnerable or shed a negative light for people with DS. The frustrations and sense of defeat you are feeling are completely understandable. Life is hard enough already, but to be responsible for another life, and one with disabilities, is a huge undertaking. It does not mean much, but I simply just want to thank you for your website and encourage you! You are doing great. The mere fact that you have so much care and attention for your sister expressed in your posts shows how much and how well you do care for her. AND I won’t patronize you by saying “don’t give up on your sister” because it is already very clear you love her dearly and you won’t give up on her. You are simply having a moment of weakness, which is very HUMAN, and venting some feelings out on the internet space, hoping someone can hear you out. The feelings you are having are REAL. And I commend you for expressing them!

    1. Hi Jen,

      Thank you for simply understanding. Thank you!

      Hugs!

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