It’s one of those days…a day when I feel like I cannot be bothered anymore. I am tired of my sister not being the adult that her age says she is. I am tired of her not understanding social situations and therefore what’s appropriate behaviour and what’s not appropriate. I am tired that I have to watch over her and worry constantly. I just want her to be an adult…with no disability.
I want her to be able to fend for herself. One day I teach her a life lesson…some social rule about appropriate behaviour. Days to follow, I reinforce this rule…I believe that she has gotten it…it has sunk in. Then couple days later…voila …it’s like she has forgotten all the talks we had, all the illustrations I made, everything. And in these moments, I feel defeated…fed up…I think what’s the point…is there even a point. Am I stupid to think that I can help my sister to get to a point of independence? Am I delusional?
The thought that all my efforts are in vain stresses the hell out of me. If nature takes it course, I will die before her and I can’t have her not being able to survive safely…I just can’t have that. This is when all the negative thoughts come rushing in ranging from what a failure I am to all the horrible things that could potentially happen to my sister because she can’t take care of herself. Days like this…I hate. I feel so defeated.