I regularly sit and fantasize about the life that could have been…meaning, what my life would have been like if I was not a caregiver. I mourn the life that could have been. Throughout the years, I made many decisions based on what I thought was best for my brother…not what was best for me.
I chose the college I attended based on my belief that being near to my brother would be best, instead of attending an international college that I dreamed of attending when I was a child. I chose my career based on my experience as a sibling of someone with a disability. I chose the city I live and work in based on my thought that it would be best if my sibling lived with me, and we were close to family.
But what if I had made all those decisions based on what was best for me…just me. Would I be doing something that I love instead of being in the job I have now that is challenging my mental and physical health? Would it be easier to walk away from this job and step out in faith to pursue a passion of mine? Would I have studied abroad and maybe now even live abroad? Would I be married with the two kids that I always wanted? Would I be struggling financially?
I often wonder if I made the right decisions. I sometimes regret some of those decisions. I really wonder who would I be? Would I still have to battle depression and anxiety? Would I be happy? Would I feel fulfilled? Who would I be?
Caregiver: Margaret Country: USA